MALIN AKERMAN
At first glance Malin Akerman seems like a cinematic commodity we’ve already stocked up on: blonde, beautiful and funny; the perfectly unbelievable girl next door. It’s an easy assumption to make – she’s featured in the likes of Couples Retreat, The Proposal, 27 Dresses… And then, in a moment of crystalline clarity we realise – she played Silk Sceptre in Watchmen; she was the funniest thing about Ben Stiller’s 2007 rom-com The Heartbreak Kid; 
she used to be in alternative rock band The Petalstones, oh and did we mention she speaks four languages? Noomi Rapace she’s not but the Swedish/Canadian actress is no Katherine Heigl either. Our LA-LA-land label larder doesn’t appear to have a Malin Akerman at all. Workhorsing her way from project to project, Malin’s doing it all to prove herself as a Hollywood hot property (she’s even rumoured to be playing porn star Linda Lovelace in a new biopic). She’s just wrapped filming on the Judd Apatow-produced movie Wanderlust with funny man Paul Rudd who was psyched about stretching his bulging journalism muscle to interview her for The Lab. Perfectly unbelievable she may be, but we’re not complaining, and neither’s Paul.

By: Paul Rudd
Original Article

PAUL RUDD—I reckon everyone starts these things saying, “Oh, I’m a terrible interviewer! I don’t know what I’m going to ask you.” I’m not going to do that. I’m an incredible interviewer. And I hope you’re prepared to be stripped emotionally naked.

MALIN AKERMAN—Well, I don’t know about getting emotionally naked, but you can try. I can get physically naked, that’s a lot easier.

PR—To be honest, I’m more interested in the emotional nakedness.

MA—You don’t want gratuitous nudity. What guy ever wants that?

PR—So this is for The Lab Magazine? They’re my favourite type of dog.

MA—That was my first dog ever – a golden Lab named Leia, after Princess Leia.
PR—Who was your favourite Star Wars character?

MA—I don’t really know, because I’m not the biggest Star Wars fan. I’ve seen some of the movies and I think they’re good but I won’t be the first person at the movie theatre to go see it.

PR—What do you think of science fiction in general – the same thing?

MA—If there’s been a lot of hype around something I’ll probably go see it. I got a little bit more into science fiction after I did Watchmen because there’s so much love and commitment in the work, and the fans are really true fans. I gained a greater respect for the sci-fi world after being at ComicCon and doing such a fantastic film but it’s still not my number one genre.

PR—Did some of the fans creep you out a bit at ComicCon?

MA—They were all really nervous and shaky and I just wanted to take them in my arms and give them a hug and say, “It’s OK. I’m not really Silk Sceptre. I’m just a girl named Malin and I just play her.” They were the cutest people in the world. I loved them. I’ve heard there can be some creepy experiences, but I didn’t have any. I did have an experience on a set once when I was barely in any clothing, which happens to me in a lot of my roles, and I was freezing because it was an air-conditioned studio. There was an older guy working as an extra and one day I get to my changing room and he’s standing outside the room with a bag and he’s like, “Here, I brought this for you. I saw you’ve been cold.” Inside the bag there was a dirty blanket with stains all over it. It was a beautiful thought, but that was kind of creepy. I don’t want to know what kind of stains those were.

PR—How much longer did you have to work together after that moment?

MA—Only a couple more days so it wasn’t so bad. Unlike our experience with the nudists on our movie recently!

PR—That is true. We had nudists. That was a strange thing, wasn’t it?

MA—We weren’t prepared for it. All of a sudden they’re about to call “Action!” and all of these people start taking off their robes and there’s nothing under them. And I think all of us became like five-year-olds. It was so unusual. I don’t know about you but I don’t really hang out with nude people all the time. Some of them were quite nice but it’s just weird.

PR—Did you ever get caught by any nudists looking at them?

MA—Every time. That was so embarrassing.

PR—All of the nudists were totally shaved.

MA—They had to recast a few to get some with some real bush.

PR—I suppose that’s the fashion these days.

MA—How old are you? Eighty?

PR—I’m wearing slippers right now, and I’m not kidding. What did you do the first day you got back to Los Angeles after filming?

MA—I kissed my husband and told him I needed to sleep because I was exhausted. I still have all my stuff in my suitcases because we had guests staying and now my aunt and cousin are here from Sweden.

PR—Are you usually the type of person who unpacks their suitcase right away?

MA—I leave it until my husband gets really pissed and goes, “Come on, babe, how old are you? Twelve? Can you please unpack your suitcases?” When I come home I want to see everyone right away and unpacking and doing laundry is the most boring thing in the world. And I’m probably going to pack up and go soon anyway, so sometimes it’s just better to leave my stuff in the suitcases. But, yeah, I’m the procrastinator in the family, for sure.

PR—Your husband’s the opposite?

MA—We haven’t even gotten in the door and he’s already unzipping his suitcase and unpacking and doing laundry. Partly I think it’s because I want to keep the whole memory of the trip for a long time and remember what clothes I brought with me. Have you ever seen that TV show Hoarders? They have a hard time letting go of all the stuff they’ve accumulated over the years and it’s a huge emotional process to get rid of it. I feel like I’m that kind of person when it comes to my suitcases.

PR—Do you have problems throwing things away?

MA—Sometimes. I’m a bit of a cheeseball so I’ll save cards and really special notes and pictures and I’ll never get rid of a single photograph. But clothes and all that kind of stuff I can get rid of, that’s no big deal.

PR—That sounds healthy.

MA—Yeah, right? You’ve got to have a personal box where you go through things and have memories; I think that’s kind of nice. I don’t know what a therapist would say about that, but I’m going to talk it up to just being a really romantic person.

PR—So you consider yourself a nostalgic person?

MA—Yeah, I am. I get very nostalgic for my childhood.

PR—What’s a song that if you heard now would immediately take you back to a very happy memory from your childhood?

MA—You’re going to think I’m a dork. When I was young I thought I was going to become a prima ballerina, which is hilarious because I have no coordination – as you know from when I fell off the pool table trying to dance on it. I listened to Tchaikovsky all the time, the Black Swan, and that was my dance. I had my dad put that record on and I would dance for my family every night and do really bad ballet for them.

PR—That’s really sweet.

MA—And then after that it was Cyndi Lauper.

PR—Those are both great. I hear a Glen Medeiros song and have that kind of memory, which is horrible. In the eighties and I was dating this girl and she had to fly back to Buffalo where she lived and I played these Glen Medeiros cassettes in my car crying.

MA—You’re so cute!

PR—Speaking of amazing music, do you want to talk about The Petalstones?

MA—You mean my old band? We can touch on that. What do you want to know?

PR—How did it come about?

MA—When I first got out here to LA I did a year of auditions and didn’t get a single job. I found this group of Italian boys and they needed help writing lyrics, and so I helped them with that and they said, “Why don’t you sing?” and I said, “Because I can’t sing.” but they said they would teach me. Never believe an Italian when they say they’re going to teach you. I would be in the studio trying to sing without any kind of training and they would come in and be like, “Just sing it!” And I was like, “That’s what I’m trying to do! You’re supposed to be training me!” It was the worst training ever. There were a lot of tears and fights but it was great. We put an album out, which was a lot of fun. We didn’t get a record deal so I decided that I was going to give acting another shot and that’s when I finally got a real job.

PR—And then you married the drummer.

MA—Yes, indeed. That was three and a half years ago, which was lovely.

PR—How did you meet these Italian guys?

MA—I kind of lied when I said I didn’t get a single job that first year. I got a really tiny independent film, which I shot in 10 days. It was called The Utopian Society and the guitarist of the band was also doing editing and audio stuff on the movie. I came in to do some ADR and we started talking. He told me he was a rock star and asked me to help him out with writing and I was so excited. I had nothing else to do, and that’s how it all got started.

PR—How many languages do you speak now?

MA—Four: Swedish, English, Italian and French.

PR—When did you learn Italian?

MA—It was while I was in the band. Two of the guys spoke English but of course my future husband didn’t. I think it became my challenge to be able to communicate with him and make him fall in love with me. And that’s exactly what I did. We would sit out on the balcony with a dictionary and a bottle of wine after band practice and try to get to know each other. He understood a few words but it was basically just the language of love – as cheesy as that may sound. We knew there was something special going on and sometimes it’s even better when they don’t speak the same language as you.

PR—I suppose it allows you to say things that are a little more direct.

MA—I had to be direct otherwise he wouldn’t really understand what I was saying, so it was a pretty honest start to the relationship.

PR—Do you want to learn more languages or are you set with four?

MA—I think I’m alright with four. I’m confused enough already – I literally have moments where I’m trying to think of a word in one language and I’ll say it in another, especially when I’m doing interviews on press tours and you’re talking for hours on end. It can get a bit frustrating at times.

PR—When you go on a European press tour and you’re able to talk to local journalists in their language, how do they treat you?

MA—They’re pretty excited. People look at me as an American just because I do my movies over here so when I go to their countries they don’t expect me to speak a different language. Unfortunately it’s not the norm in the States to learn many languages so I don’t think a lot of people in Europe expect it.

PR—I didn’t ask you about this when you mentioned it earlier, because I already know, but I think The Lab readers might want to know what you were doing dancing on a pool table?

MA—You little shit! You know how it is sometimes when you’re on a movie and friends decide to have parties at their houses, and of course I’m not going to say no, I can’t be rude. So I showed up and there was good music playing and I was offered some wine or moonshine or whatever they had. I might have had a sip, not to be rude, and because that music was really good I got up on the pool table and just did some crazy chicken dance. When you have long limbs like mine they don’t always coordinate as quickly as they should so I toppled off. Luckily, 
I had good friends there to catch me.

PR—What’s your greatest fear?

MA—My greatest fear in life would be to lose a sibling or loved one – I’d rather go first. It’s kind of morbid isn’t it?

PR—I love and adore you and hope you don’t die for a very long time.

MA—I hope I stick around for a while.

PR—I hope that this was as gripping and enlightening for you as it was for me.

MA—You know what, Paul? You were the best interviewer ever. You lived up to it.